My never ending quest

I'm ashamed to say this but lately, I have been really struggling with my weight. I've tried lots of things but nothing has really seemed to work. Over the past 2 years, I have managed to put on about 30 pounds. It's really depressing. I hate looking at pictures of myself from 2 years ago because I am reminded of how skinny I used to be. I also hate looking at pictures of myself now because I feel so gross and get depressed when I see how big I have gotten.

So instead of staying depressed and not doing anything about it, I have decided that it is time to take charge and change a few things. I have tried doing this on my own but have realized that I can't do it on my own. I need someone to report to so I have some accountability. That's where the blog comes in.

I plan to record my weightloss journey here on the blog. My goal is to post at least once a week with my stats for the week. That will mainly include my starting and ending weight for the week. Of course if I have time, I will also post more often during the week to share any experiences I am having during this journey.

A couple months ago, I started cardio kickboxing. I love it and I sweat like crazy. It is supposed to be a great workout and help you loose lots of weight. I go 3 times a week and do it for an hour at a time. So, that will serve as my major excercise diring the week.

The hardest part for me is going to be the food part. To say I love food is a huge understatement. I especially love junk food. I have to stop buying the stuff and get this under control. I think once I am able to do that, the weight will melt off (or so I would hope).

So here I go on a journey to loose 30 pounds. Since I am going all out here...I guess it would help to post my starting weight (despite how embarrasing it may be to put it out there). My starting weight is 175. I plan on being really good this week and really watching what I eat. I hope that when I post here on Friday or Saturday, I will be able to report a loss of at least a pound or two.

Wish me luck!!! See you in a week!!!!

I'm Baacckk...did you miss me?

To say that my life has been crazy the past year would be a huge understatement!! I was PTO president at the middle school, VP of fundraising at the elementary school, I volunteered in 3 classrooms once a week (on different days), took the kids to dance 4 nights a week and tried to be a good wife and mother in between. It was nuts!!!

The worst thing of all is that I was so caught up in being what I thought everyone else wanted or expected me to be that I forgot to think about who I am and who I want to be. All the things I love to do in my spare time kind of flew out the window. Things like crafting, working out and of course this blog. In the past year, I have done little to no crafting, very little exercise (I actually gained about 15 pounds) and of course no blogging.

So, after doing a lot of reflecting, I decided to focus on the things that I want and that matter the most of me. This means quitting PTO (there were a lot of bad experiences and I spent a year feeling completely miserable), starting to workout again (and make a goal to loose about 30 lbs), and of course start doing the things that I enjoy doing the most...which includes posting on the blog.

In the next few days, I hope to update the pictures on the blog and change things around a bit. Also in an effort to help me loose all this weight, I plan to blog my weight loss journey. I haven't decided if I am going to post those fun before, during and after photos just yet. The biggest thing stopping me from doing it is my fear of putting myself out like that. I will become extremely vulnerable by doing this and I'm not sure I'm ready to put myself out that much. But on the other hand, it might be good for me to see the changes...right?

At any rate, it's great to be back and I can't wait to get back to the things I love the most!!!

Feelin' a little low

Tonight as I write this, I feel a bit sad. I am one of those people who should NEVER be left alone with their thoughts because only bad things can come out of that. But yet here I sit, alone with my thoughts and I can't help but think about the person I am versus the person people perceive me to be.

I see myself as being a person who is happy, honest, true, loyal, forgiving, loving, caring, non confrontational, insecure, and dependable (just to name a few). Of course I can be a bit vengeful if you treat me badly. I will lay down my life for you if I feel that you are a true friend. Of course if I don't see you as a true friend, all bets are off. I am a total people pleaser as well. I want people to like me and in turn will do whatever need be just to make them happy. I've always seen myself as a bit immature when compared to my friends. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. I have a lot of funky little quirks but those who know me well love me in spite of those quirks. I always try to be the best person I can be...even in the worst of situations. I always want people to see me as a person they can come to if they need a friend.

Of course, all those attributes are things I think about myself. I'm sure that not everyone would agree with a good chunk of them.

Having said all that, it breaks my heart when I hear people say things about me that they see to be true. Am I really the bad person they make me out to be? Or are they just picking out my flaws (of which I have many) and magnifying them a thousand times over?

I know my self esteem shouldn't come from what others think of me but it just really bothers me to hear people don't think of me in the way I want them to. Sadly the things I have heard have made me question a lot of things about myself. Maybe I need to try harder to be the positive things on my list. Maybe that would help? I don't know. I do know that I can't make everyone like me so maybe I should just focus on those who do and be the best person I can. As one of my favorite quotes says "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Blog Burnout

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last posted anything on the blog. Yet as I write those words, I can believe it's been that long. I think I suffered a blog burnout. I love writing on the blog but I think I got to the point where I just didn't have the time to write about everything that was going on so rather than drive myself crazy, I decided to take a break from it all. I think (and hope) that my blog burnout is coming to an end. I don't know if I will be able to write as frequently as I have in the past but it would be nice to do it at least a few times a month.

Yummy chocolate goodies

A couple weeks ago I made some cake balls for a friend. I had so much fun making the cake balls, I decided to make some chocolate dipped strawberries as well as some chocolate covered oreos. Everything tasted insanely good!! Being the person I am, I had to get some pictures. Just looking at them makes me want something covered in chocolate :)

Kyla makes dinner

I decided that I wanted the girls to start helping me make dinner once a week. Kyla was the first one to go and she decided to make Calzones. It was definitely a trial and error type thing but they turned out great! Kyla had so much fun making them and would get upset with me if I tried to help too much. We learned a lot of things as we made them and have a better idea as to what we need to do the next time we make them!!

Neglectful Parent

I think this is the longest I have ever gone without posting something on the blog. I am such a neglectful parent!!! In my defense, it has been an extremely busy month. The kids have dance recital this weekend so most of my month has been spent getting ready for the big weekend. I have a ton of pictures that I need to post...the sad thing is they go as far back as Easter. Hopefully, I'll be able to find some time over the next week or so and post pictures and updates about what's been going on. I LOVE this time of year but it sure does get busy!!!